Simon's Choice
by IndigoCaress
Summary: What if Simon made a different choice about Claire's baby? Ch 9 Finally up! Simon visits his dad and has run in with a surprise visitor. Pleaae R/R. Thanks!
1. The Choice

Simon's Choice  
Chapter 1/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com)  
  
DISCLAIMER: They aren't mine, but I wish they were so I could write them the way I want them to be. As they are on the show now I wouldn't want to claim them. I own any characters not established on 7th Heaven.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I have posted chapter 1-5 previously, but I decided to rewrite the story in first person narrative. It's the same, more or less, with a little more insight into Simon's thoughts. Later chapters will reflect more changes from the original narrative. Enjoy!  
  
  
Chapter 1: The Choice  
  
I sat in the car for a long time, just sitting in the driveway because sitting there seemed a lot easier than going inside. Everyone should be in bed by now, but with my family, someone is always awake, and I expected my parents to wait up for me tonight, the night they let me leave the house even though I'm on restriction.  
  
How could I explain this to them? Could I explain it? Could I justify what I had done? What would I do if they refused? They couldn't refuse, simply couldn't. I had come too far to turn back now.   
  
I glanced at the bundle of towels on the passenger seat beside me. I had made a choice, a serious choice, and I needed my parents to help me. "Please, God, make them help me," I whispered and gathered the towels to my chest.   
  
The house was dark, only the light over stove seemed to be on, giving me enough light to slip inside and lock the door. I took a deep breath and turned around, expecting someone to be there, sitting at the kitchen table waiting for me. Finding the room empty, relief washed over me. I wasn't ready to face them yet.   
  
I couldn't believe I made it to my room without being seen. Just as I was about to shut my door, Happy rounded the corner from the attic stairs and rushed into my room. She jumped up on my bed and cocked her head, her eyes asking me what I help.  
  
I sat down on the edge of the bed and held my bundle out for her inspection. "Be gentle, Happy," I whispered. She sniffed at the baby, then lay her head on my leg with a sigh.  
  
A moment later the door knob turned and my door creaked open. I held my breath and instinctively held the baby to my shoulder.  
  
"Simon?" Ruthie peeked in, and brushed a tangle of curls from her forehead.  
  
"Go back to bed, Ruthie."  
  
She stepped into my room with her hands on her hips. The baby had kicked her feet, and Ruthie had seen the towels move because of it. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Just go to back upstairs." I tried to keep his voice calm, even with my heart pounding violently in my chest.  
  
"I'm awake now." Ruthie stepped inside my room and shut the door and narrowed her eyes at me. "You're up to something, Simon Camden and I want to know what it is."  
  
"Good night, Ruthie." I would have tried to push her out of the room, except to do that I would have had to put the baby down. Ruthie and her big mouth were not my ideal confidant with this secret.  
  
The baby squirmed and whimpered, forcing me to shift her in my arms. "Simon!" Ruthie yelped when she saw what I held.  
  
"Shhh!" I made a grab for Ruthie's arm, and tried to bore holes in her with my eyes. "I'm not ready to tell Mom and Dad."  
  
"Simon Camden, what have you done?" Ruthie looked up at me with wide eyes. "Is it..."  
  
I took a deep breath and turned the baby to rest in the crook of my arm so Ruthie could see her face better. So smooth and perfect. So innocent. "Yes. Her mother is afraid to keep her. Her dad would kill her."  
  
"Mom's going to kill you," Ruthie whispered, but she stepped closer and pulled a corner of a towel back to see better. The look of pure adoration on her face betrayed her defeatist attitude.   
  
"No she won't. She'll be shocked, I know. But she'll understand. Mom and Dad both. They have to."  
  
"What if they don't?"  
  
I sighed. I couldn't think about that. I couldn't think about giving this beautiful baby away. "Then...then I don't know what. But I have to do this, Ruthie. I have to take care of this baby. But it doesn't matter, because they will help me. They will."  
  
"Do you have diapers? Formula? A bottle? What about clothes for her?"  
  
I shook my head. I hadn't even thought about those things. I only thought about the baby, and the decision to take her home. I couldn't just turn her over to strangers. I couldn't do that to her. She was my baby, the moment I held her in that phone booth where she was born, she was mine. And I was hers.  
  
"I didn't think...all the stores are closed. She'll be okay until morning."  
  
"Until she gets hungry, you mean. Babies have to eat, Simon. They eat a lot. The eat all the time."  
  
"I know. But...But she'll be okay. She's a good baby, aren't you, honey?"  
  
"Even good babies get hungry. And do you know what babies do when they're hungry? They cry, Simon. How are you going to explain that to Mom?"  
  
I kept my eyes focused on the baby, because I would have cried if I looked at Ruthie. My little sister. So mature, more mature than me. More mature at 12 than I would ever be.  
  
I wanted to take it back, this whole night. I could ignore Claire's phone call, I wouldn't go to the phone booth. I wouldn't help her deliver her baby that she didn't want. Why did I have to be the one? Why did I have to decide this baby's fate?  
  
Had I made the wrong decision? How could I live with myself if I had made any other choice?  
  
"What's her name?" Ruthie asked, and she reached up to stroke the baby's cheek with a fingertip.  
  
"I don't know." I looked up then, and met Ruthie's eyes. I felt something inside me shift, and I knew. I smiled and kissed my daughter's forehead. "Mykaela. Mykaela Claire Camden." He turned and held the baby out, offering her to Ruthie. "Meet your niece, Ruthie. Mykaela, meet aunt Ruthie."  
  
I held Mykaela out a little, offering her to Ruthie. Ruthie took the baby in her arms and settled her against her chest. "Aunt Ruthie. I like the way that sounds."  
  
"So do I."  
  
"Daddy Simon might take a little more getting used to."  
  
I felt dizzy suddenly, like the night I'd bee too drunk to walk straight. Daddy. That single word spiraled in my mind, twisting and turning, tumbling, rolling, filling me. I took several deep breaths to clear my head.  
  
"Daddy...I'm a daddy..." I stumbled backward onto my bed and sat with a heavy thump.  
  
"And your towels are wet. Lucky for you I know where Mom put the bottles and cloth diapers she had for Sam and David. Here. Take her and I'll be right back." Ruthie handed the baby back to me and disappeared, Happy chasing her heels.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End REVISED chapter 1. Pretty much the same as the original chapter, only now told in first person POV because I realised getting into Simon's head would be a better way to go. So I hope you enjoyed it! 


	2. Telling Mom And Dad

Simon's Choice  
Chapter 2/??  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star  
  
  
Chapter 2: Telling Mom And Dad  
  
I was dreaming, had to be dreaming. No way this could be real. I could not be sitting in my bed, cradling a newborn baby, my daughter, with my sister Ruthie curled up asleep beside me.   
  
I knew it was real, and it was my life. I just couldn't tell if it would be a dream or a night mare.   
  
I owed Ruthie. Big time. I would never have made it through the night without her. She had helped me feed the baby. She had showed me how to work the cloth diapers, which were actually burp cloths, but fit Mykaela perfectly around the middle. Mykaela. I had named her the first name that popped into my head when Ruthie asked. Mykaela had been a little girl in my third grade class. She died in a car accident just after Christmas that year. I had always liked that name, Mykaela.   
  
Mykaela Claire Camden. Camden. My name. My daughter.   
  
I thought of Mykaela's mother and wondered what she would think of all this. I wasn't sure. She had trusted me to take her baby to a safe place. She couldn't keep the baby because her parents would never understand and she said more than once her father would kill her if he knew she had a baby at all. She said she just wanted her child to have a fair chance. She wouldn't have a chance at all with Claire, once Claire's father found out.   
  
She said she didn't want to keep the baby, but the sadness in her eyes betrayed her words. I would just have to convince her I had made the best choice. I imagined she would be angry and upset at first, but once I explained...She would understand. I could give the baby a chance. A damn good chance. My parents were God-loving people. My father worked for God, spreading His word, and His love. He could not refuse to help an innocent baby. And I could do anything, with his parent's support.  
  
I just had to tell them first.  
  
I glanced at the clock. Ten before six. They would just be getting up. I needed to tell them now, before the other kids were up demanding attention.   
  
I eased myself out of the bed, cradling Mykaela protectively. "Come on, sweetness. Let's go meet Granny and Grandpa. Don't be nervous, honey. They're going to love you."  
  
"Simon? What time is it?" Ruthie asked, her words thick with sleep.  
  
I rest my alarm clock, because Ruthie doesn't have to get up until quarter after. "Almost six. Go back to sleep."   
  
I slipped out of the room before Ruthie could say more. With a little luck she would fall back into sleep until the alarm woke her.  
  
My parent's bedroom door loomed ahead of me like a beacon. I thought of a light house light, signaling out to ships that land was near.   
  
I tried not to think of how they would react, because I just didn't know what to expect. My brother Matt had done some crazy things over the years, but nothing like this. The closest Matt came to a baby was sleeping on a pregnant friend's couch one night, the first night he didn't come home. Then there was the pregnant girl who stole his car, but he never once claimed a baby was his.  
  
That would be the hardest part. Looking them in the eye, telling them Mykaela is my daughter. I remembered how upset they were when they thought Matt and Sarah were having sex before they were married. They raised to respect our bodies and wait for marriage. I had to make them believe I didn't wait, because they would never let me keep Mykaela if they thought she wasn't mine.  
  
Maybe they would let Kevin move into the attic with Lucy, then I could have the garage apartment with Claire and the baby. Claire said she didn't want the baby, but I knew that wasn't true. She was scared. Her father...her father would kill her, she said. I knew she didn't mean literally kill her, but he also know all parents were not as wonderful, calm, and understanding as mine.  
  
I took a deep breath and knocked on the door, no point waiting any longer. "Come in," my mother's voice called.   
  
I smiled at the sleeping baby in my arms, reassuring myself. "This is it, honey. No turning back now. I hope you're ready." I whispered and pushed the door open.  
  
My mother sat up in the bed, looking expectantly at the door. Seeing me, she started to smile. Seeing the baby in my arms, her face went blank. "Simon?"  
  
"Mom, I want you to meet your grand daughter. Mykaela." The words fell out of my mouth. Simply. Easily.   
  
She stared at me, her jaw slack with shock. After a moment she blinked and swallowed and pushed a hand through her hair. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Annie? Simon?" My dad came in from the bathroom. Seeing the baby, he stopped mid-step, stared at me with a look as if he thought he recognized me but couldn't quite place who I was in his mind. "Simon?" The word, my name, sounded foreign on his lips.  
  
I looked at my father, then back to hold my mother's gaze. The Reverend Eric Camden and his wife Annie. My parents. They looked like total strangers to me.  
  
My father would go along with Mom, whatever she said. I had to appeal to her first. "This is Mykaela. She was born last night." I offered the explanation and stepped closer to them.  
  
"Where did you find her?" Dad asked, stepping closer.  
  
I felt the air around me thicken. What would they say? What would they do when I told them? I didn't expect instant acceptance. Just...maybe...their love and support. The rest would come later.   
  
"I didn't find her. She's my daughter."  
  
I wouldn't have thought it possible, but their faces went more blank. Wide eyed, as Ruthie had been last night when she'd first realised I had a baby.  
  
"Your d...d...daughter?" my parents said in perfect harmony, something only twenty-some years of marriage and seven kids could create. Seven kids and now one grand child.  
  
I nodded. What could I say to ease the blow? What could I say to make them love her unconditionally? Not 'I'm sorry, it only happened once and I didn't mean for it to happen at all'. Probably better not to bring that aspect of it up, unless they did.  
  
I didn't have to say anything. Mom reached up to touch Mykaela's arm. "Where is her mother?"  
  
"She's scared. She doesn't think her parents would understand."  
  
"Simon, you know you can't..." Dad started.  
  
I cut him off. I didn't want to hear what I couldn't do. With their support I could do anything. Even something as crazy as this. "Can't what, Dad? Don't tell me I can't keep her. I have to keep her. She's my daughter. I have to keep her."  
  
"It's not that simple," Mom interjected.  
  
"Yes. It is," I shot back, my voice a little more harsh than I intended. I didn't care. I had to get my point across and harshness just might do it since I almost never raised my voice to my parents. "She's my daughter. I'm keeping her. I thought you guys would support that. I'm taking responsibility. I'm doing the right thing."  
  
"Simon..."  
  
"No. Mom, Dad. Listen to me. I'm keeping her. I'm going to raise her. I hope you will support me, and her, because it's going to be hard enough as it is. I need you. Mykaela needs you."  
  
Mom looked down, picked at a lint ball on her blanket. "The girl who called you last night? The one who was in trouble?" She asked.  
  
"She couldn't go to a hospital, Mom. She is afraid of her father. Her parents didn't even know she was pregnant. She would have to give the baby up. She didn't even tell me because she was afraid I would tell you and then her parents would find out. I couldn't...when she was born and I held her..."  
  
"It's not your baby, is it, Simon?" My mother's voice trembled. I knew she wanted it to be true, she wanted me to tell her the baby wasn't mine. She didn't want to think one of her kids had...messed up.   
  
I took a deep breath, held it for a few tense seconds. I blocked out the hurt I saw in my mother's eyes, in my father's expression. I had to think about Mykaela now. Always Mykaela first from here on out. "Yes." I said, more clam than I expected. "It is. She is. Do you want to hold her?" I held the baby out for my mother to take her. Mykaela settled against Mom's breast as if she was made to fit there.   
  
I felt like he was watching a replay of someone else's life. A movie, a TV show. Anything but reality. Everything was happening too fast. Way too fast.   
  
But Mykaela would be my daughter. She already was, in all the ways that mattered.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
End chapter 2. I like this version so much better than the other. Please met me know what you think. Thanks! 


	3. The Decision

Simon's Choice  
Chapter 3/??  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star  
  
  
Chapter 3: The Decision  
  
My mother caressed the gentle slope of Mykaela's nose. "Simon," She started and I knew by the concerned tone that I was about to get a lecture. "You don't even have your own head on straight. You can barely take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of a baby?"  
  
I took a deep breath and looked at her. My mother holding my baby. How could she refuse to help me? How could she look at that precious little girl in her arms and refuse? "I'll manage, Mom. Don't you understand? I have to. She's my responsibility now. I'll do whatever it takes. Whatever she needs."   
  
"It's not that easy, Simon. Babies are a lot of work, a huge responsibility. It's not just about caring for them. You have to love them and nurture them and they need all your attention and more energy that you can spare."   
  
I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, glancing from Mom to Dad sitting silent next to her. Did they think I didn't know babies were a huge responsibility? I wanted to be holding her. She was my bargaining chip, the reason I was there, in their bedroom, doing this. All for her.   
  
Everything for her. For Mykaela. "I know, Mom. I've been thinking about it all night. And I want to do it."  
  
"Simon..."  
  
"I know. You hate to see me sacrifice my life. But I don't think it is a sacrifice. She is my life now. She's the only thing that matters."  
  
"You don't mean that." Dad whispered. He wanted to be in counselor mode, I could tell, but he wouldn't try to take over. Mom would have her say, and that would be the end of it.   
  
"You have your whole life ahead of you. You're too young..." Mom chimed in, finishing Dad's thoughts.  
  
"Yes, I know. And I do mean it." I wrung his hands together. "My feelings are no different than a mother who just had a baby. I love her. I will do anything for her. Anything. I'm young, I know. And I didn't carry her in my body for nine months, but she is a part of me and...she's my daughter. She's my life."  
  
My mother sighed. I wasn't sure how much more she could take. "Okay. You made your point." She said softly. "Your father and I will talk about it and make a decision before you come home from school."  
  
"You have to let me keep her. Please, Mom."  
  
"Your father and I will talk about it. Go get ready for school." I knew arguing the point further would only make things worse for me. I had to leave, get ready for school, and pray my parents didn't take my baby away before I came home.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I struggled through the day, thinking always of Mykaela, wondering what she was doing at any given moment, unable to focus on my school work. Simon Camden, the preacher's boy, the doo-gooder...a father at sixteen. The rumors would spread like wild fire, until everyone in school knew. No one knew yet. Not even Claire.  
  
Claire. I hadn't seen her all day. Dear God, I hoped she was okay. If her parents found out and were as upset as she thought they would be...  
  
She had give birth in a phone booth less than 24 hours earlier. No doctors, no nurses. Just Claire, the baby, and me. I had delivered the baby, there had been no one else. And I had fallen in love with her at the first trembling cry.  
  
She was my daughter, if not by blood, in all the ways that truly mattered. She belonged to me, as I belonged to her.   
  
I would never forgive my parents if they made me give her up. Never.   
  
They wouldn't. They couldn't. I would run away. There were shelters for unwed mothers, there should be a place I could go. Unwed fathers. I almost laughed at the idea. Most guys would deny fathering a child at sixteen, and here I was claiming a child that wasn't even mine, willing to give up my life and my dreams and maybe even my family for her.  
  
She would be my family.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
My mother met me in the kitchen after school. The house seemed deathly quiet. Too quiet to have a baby and twin toddlers inside. But the boys were usually down for their nap when I got home from school and Mykaela should be sleeping too. Babies sleep a lot.  
  
Mom gave a slight smile. I couldn't read it. Mom has always been good at hiding her emotions. "Your father and I made a decision."  
  
I nodded, tears already pushing at the back of my eyes.   
  
"Mykaela will sleep in your room. You can have one of the cribs from the attic, car seats, and the changing table. Everything else you pay for. Food, clothes, diapers. Everything. She is your responsibility, Simon."  
  
I took a deep breath and with it the tears found release. Tears of joy, tears of relief, tears of fear. I was sixteen years old, and I was a father. Mykaela was mine. My daughter. My responsibility.   
  
"Where is she?"  
  
"In your room. Your father and I put the crib together for her. You might want to thank us."  
  
I was halfway up the stairs before my mother finished. Sure I would thank them, later. After I held my daughter.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A little while later, a knock on my bedroom door startled me. I almost resented the intrusion, but seeing Ruthie I smiled and the resistance faded.  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Hi. Mom wants a family meeting."  
  
I groaned. "A family meeting? Why?"  
  
"So you can introduce Mykaela."  
  
I dreaded it, but what choice did I have? I changed Mykaela's diaper then followed Ruthie downstairs. I felt like Daniel walking into the Lion's Den. They were all staring at me, Lucy on the sofa between Kevin and Ben, Mom and Dad shared the over sized chair with the twins playing with trucks at their feet, and Robbie sat by himself.   
  
I knew they expected me to say something, and I wanted to say something really brilliant, but I didn't know where to start. How could I tell them anything when my nerves felt so jumbled up they must be tied in knots?  
  
Ruthie stood beside me and reached for my hand.  
  
I took a deep breath. "This is Mykaela. She was born last night. Her mother is afraid her parents will be upset if they find out. So I brought her home and I'm going to raise her." Hardly the brilliant speech I had hoped for.  
  
Lucy stood up and stepped closer to us. She smiled, though the smile didn't reach her eyes. She looked over her shoulder at Kevin, and Kevin smiled. Then she reached out to touch Mykaela's face. "Can I hold her?"  
  
"Of course." My arms felt empty when Lucy took Mykaela. Ruthie squeezed my hand. I looked down at her and tried to smile.   
  
Kevin and Ben exchanged tense glances, and Robbie seemed fascinated by the spot on the floor in front of him. No one said anything about the fact I must have had sex, but their faces and the way the wouldn't look at me said it all. They were thinking it. They were shocked. Mary would do something like this, and probably had. No one would ever have thought I would do something so foolish.  
  
"She's really sweet, Simon." Lucy offered the baby to Kevin. They would make a cute family one day, if Kevin ever got around to asking Lucy to marry him. Kevin took the baby and kissed her forehead. Mykaela kicked her little arms.  
  
Ruthie squeezed my hand again and I suddenly felt like crying.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End chapter three (and a little of the original chapter 4 for those of you who read it before I got this wild hair and decided to rewrite it. Thanks for hanging in there!). Also includes new material. I hope you are enjoying the read. Please R/R, don't be shy! I want to know what you think! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	4. Claire

Simon's Choice  
Chapter 4/??  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star  
  
  
Chapter 4: Claire  
  
I put Mykaela down after dinner and sat on my bed just watching her sleep. She seemed so perfect to me, definitely worth the sacrifice. I knew she wouldn't sleep long, and she would wake up hungry and most likely wet. I remembered the routine, how hectic life had been in the house when Sam and David were newborn.   
  
For now, I would enjoy the quiet.   
  
I needed to talk to Claire. Mykaela hadn't been born at a hospital, there were no witnesses, no doctor to sign a birth certificate. Sargent Michaels told me I would have a hard time getting one, without the baby's mother.  
  
I dialed her cell phone for the sixth time since I got home from school. Still no answer. I sighed and left yet another message begging her to call me. I didn't tell her about Mykaela, I had a feeling she wouldn't call back if she knew I had the baby. I would tell her when I talked to her.  
  
If I talked to her.  
  
An unsettled feeling had planted itself in my gut. A nagging feeling, a sixth sense, telling me something was wrong. Terribly wrong.  
  
I tried Claire's cell number again. Nothing.  
  
If I didn't hear from her by tomorrow night, I would call her house. My stomach twisted in knots at the thought. Claire's house. Claire's parents. Not nice people, from all that Claire had told me. I didn't want to call them, talk to them, ask them if Claire was home.  
  
I shivered and rubbed my arms. I would face them, for Mykaela.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The phone rang. And rang. And rang. Seven times. I was just about to hang up.  
  
"Hello?" a woman's voice came over the line. Mykaela's grand mother. A blood relative. Someone who could take Mykaela away from me. The thought froze in my consciousness.   
  
"Mrs. MacDonald, my name is Simon Camden. I am a friend of Claire. Is she home? I need to talk to her."  
  
"No. She's not home." She sounded a little too harsh. Maybe Claire was home, and Mrs. MacDonald didn't want me to talk to her. Maybe she knew about the baby and Claire was in big trouble.  
  
I pushed a hand through my hair to try to calm my nerves. "Do you know where I can find her?"  
  
"No."  
  
"When will she be home?"  
  
The woman sighed. I didn't put much thought into metaphysical things, but I could feel the bad vibes coming off her in waves, even though the phone. "Claire isn't coming home, Mr. Camden."  
  
Not coming home? The words spiraled in my mind. "Where is she?"  
  
"I'm sorry. I can't tell you that." The line cut off abruptly.  
  
I stared at the receiver in my hand. Claire was gone. Not coming home, her mother had said. What the hell did that mean?  
  
It meant Claire was gone. Probably shipped off to live with her grand parents in some other state on the other side of the country. Like Mary, when she messed up and got sent to Buffalo to live with the Colonel and Grandma Ruth.   
  
Claire. Mykaela's mother. Gone. I would never see her again. I knew it as sure as I knew my own name.   
  
I stood over Mykaela's crib, looking down at her. She was so perfect. Barely forty-eight hours old. My daughter. "Well, little angel. It looks like it's just you and me. Forever." I kissed my finger tips then lay them softly against her cheek.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
/////////////////  
  
She was sure that a rib was broken, maybe two, because every time she took a breath she wanted to scream. She pressed a hand against her right side and tried to hold back the whimper clogging her throat; he was coming back. She could hear his footsteps just outside the door.  
  
It slammed open and her father stood there, a cigarette dangling from his lips. He plucked it from his mouth and blew a large cloud of smoke in her direction. "You're out of here."  
  
She lifted her head, squinting in the light from the hallway. "What do you....mean?" It was hard to talk.  
  
"Just what I said. I won't have a slut like you living under my roof."  
  
"But Dad--"  
  
"Shut up!" He took a couple of steps into the room and she cringed back on the bed. The movement sent another lighting bolt of pain through her side. "If you say another word, so help me God I'll kill you this time. I put in a call to your Aunt Gayle and Uncle Drew in Canada. They need some more help on the farm. I told them to work you till you dropped. They said they'll be glad to."  
  
Canada! She opened her mouth to protest but the only sound that came from her was a moan. My baby, my baby! Simon...oh God, my baby.....  
  
///////////////////////  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I sat up straight in the bed, my heart pounding like a drum in my throat and in my ears. For a second I felt like I couldn't breath. I jumped out of the bed, nearly falling on the sheets. Mykaela was sleeping. I relaxed a little and just looked at her for a moment before getting back in the bed.  
  
I lay awake for a long time trying to figure out what woke me. I don't think I fell asleep again until after I fed Mykaela her three o'clock bottle.  
  
I don't think I was dreaming. I don't remember dreaming. But something woke me. A noise outside maybe. Or maybe Mykaela whimpered or coughed. Something.   
  
I sighed and curled up on my side.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End chapter four. Please R/R and let me know what you think! Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com 


	5. Dad

Simon's Choice  
Chapter 5/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star  
  
  
Chapter 5: Dad  
  
The next few weeks passed quickly, between work and school and sleep and Mykaela. Mykaela proved to be a good natured baby, except when hungry or in need of a diaper change. Most nights I could gently rock her bouncy seat with one foot while doing my homework at the kitchen table. And of course the family helped too, though the ultimate responsibility lay in my hands.  
  
Lucy and Ruthie loved having a baby around, now that the twins were too old to be held and cuddled. Sometimes I caught Lucy with a longing look in her eyes, and I wondered if she thought about having a baby of her own. She would make a great mom, I think.   
  
I missed my freedom, but I only had to look at Mykaela to know I had made the right choice. She was a beautiful baby, and my daughter in all the ways that really counted. So what if people thought I had knocked some girl up, at least they also realised I was trying to do the right thing for the child. And, at least they didn't call me "Virgin Camden" in the halls of school anymore.  
  
"Simon, your math teacher called me today." Mom sat down across from me at the kitchen table. I shifted Mykaela and stared at her to avoid looking at Mom. I knew exactly why Mr. Jackson had called her.  
  
"He's concerned about your grades slipping."  
  
"I'm fine, Mom. I blew one pop quiz."  
  
Mom sighed and reached a hand out to catch Mykaela's fingers. "Simon, your school work is suffering."  
  
"Then I'll drop out of school."  
  
"That is not an option, Simon."  
  
I shrugged and looked up at my mother. "But this is what is important, Mom. My daughter."  
  
"I agree, she is very important. But your education is important too."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Then get your grades back up where they belong."  
  
I nodded. "I will." I sighed and stood and took Mykaela up to my room. I would drop out of school, if I had to. I would run away if I had to. I would do whatever I had to do to take care of my baby.  
  
I closed his bedroom door, determined to enjoy the half hour I had to spend with Mykaela before I had to go to work. During the week I work the dinner shift at Pete's Pizza, enough to make a few dollars to pay for Mykaela's food and diapers.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I let myself in the back door and trudged up the stairs to my room. Ruthie sat in the rocker with Mykaela.   
  
"Rough night?" she asked.  
  
I shrugged. "Just busy. How's Mykaela?"  
  
"Perfect. She's asleep but I like holding her so I don't mind."  
  
"Thanks." I sighed. I need to find more time for sleep. "Do you mind if I take a quick shower?"  
  
Ruthie shook her head. "Take your time."  
  
I closed his eyes and leaned into the steady stream of warm water. The heat felt good on my aching muscles, the rhythmic pitter patter of the water hitting the tub lulled my mind into forgetting all my troubles.  
  
I stepped out of the shower after the water turned cold. Ruthie had put Mykaela down in the crib, but she stood at the window overlooking the back yard. Something about her standing there sent warning bells off in my head. Dear God, if Mom and Dad have changed their minds, I will run. I swear I will run away with Mykaela and I will never look back.  
  
"Dad has to have double bypass surgery Monday." She didn't even turn to look at me, and her voice was thick, like she'd been crying.  
  
I dropped his dirty clothes in my hamper. "What?"   
  
"Dad..."  
  
"I heard you. I just...I...Wow." I sat on the edge of my bed. Ruthie turned to face me then, resting her back against the window. "Double bypass?"  
  
"The doctor says it's routine, Dad should be fine. But...but he's pretty upset about it. Mom too."  
  
I nodded and pushed a hand through my hair. I felt guilty now for all the times I avoided Dad, sneaking up the back stairs or even out the back door to miss meeting up with him. So hard to live up to the expectations of being the preacher's kid.   
  
"Do you think he's going to be okay?" My voice cracked like it used to when I was twelve.  
  
Ruthie closed her eyes. She looked so old all of a sudden. "I don't know, Simon. I really don't know."  
  
I stood over Mykaela's crib and reached down to stroke her head. Ruthie moved around to stand next to me, and put hand on my arm.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
My dad had a heart attack last year. Maybe two years ago. I can't remember. I didn't ever want to remember. He had a heart attack, and that should have been the end of it.  
  
I found him in his office, probably working on his Sunday sermon. I couldn't imagine why God would afflict one of his loyal leaders with a weak heart. I wondered if the pressures of keeping the church fresh and exciting contributed to his problems.   
  
I coughed to let him know I was there. He looked up and smiled as he pulled his glasses off and set them on his paper.  
  
"Ruthie told me."  
  
He nodded. "It's going to be okay, Simon."  
  
"Is it?"  
  
"Yes." He said the word, but I saw fear in his eyes.   
  
I didn't even know why I was there. To see him, I guess. I just wanted to see him. Needed to see him.   
  
"I just wanted to say good night."  
  
"Good night, Simon."  
  
I started to walk away, but turned back with my hand on the door. "I love you, Dad."  
  
"I know. I love you too, Son."  
  
Ruthie was still in my room when I went back upstairs.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End part five. Thank you for bearing with me as I revise. I hope you like this version. Please R/R and let me know! Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	6. The Colonel

Simon's Choice   
Chapter 6/??  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star  
  
  
Chapter 6: The Colonel  
  
The Colonel and Grandma Ruth flew in from Buffalo the Sunday before Dad's surgery. Lucy and Ruthie went to pick them up after church, and I was glad I had to work so I couldn't go with them.  
  
I had requested an all-day shift to try to make up a few hours I would miss because of the surgery. Mom wanted everyone to be with her at the hospital while she waited.   
  
My only regret was that I wouldn't see how the Colonel and Grandma reacted to meeting their great grand daughter. But, maybe that was a blessing. The Colonel could drone on about anything, especially something like safe sex and premarital sex and his disappointment in me.  
  
With a little luck, the Colonel would fall so in love with Mykaela that he would forget all about lecturing me. Maybe meeting her would soften his old, bitter, lonely heart.  
  
Part of me wanted to tell him the truth. I didn't want them-The Colonel, my parents, my siblings, my pseudo siblings, or anyone-thinking I had done something so foolish. I had earned the nick name "Virgin Camden" even though I hated it. I was proud of it, proud to be a virgin.   
  
I just can't lose Mykaela, and telling them the truth would be the end of that. They would know Mykaela wasn't my daughter and I would have no legal claim to her.  
  
Kevin offered to use his influence as a cop to help me get a birth certificate without Claire's signature. I had no idea what he meant to do, or how to go about it, but I trusted Kevin to take care of the details.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I never expected them to come to Pete's Pizza for dinner. Pizza with a side of grease was the last thing Dad needed to eat the night before his double bypass surgery, and I couldn't remember ever seeing the Colonel eat pizza.  
  
I probably should have known they would come anyway.  
  
They needed three tables pushed together to accommodate all of them. Grandma and the Colonel, Mom and Dad, Lucy and Kevin, Ruthie and the twins, Robbie, Ben, and Mykaela in her infant seat. The best part about it was seeing Mykaela when I didn't expect to see her for several hours.  
  
I waited until they were settled before I went to the table. I went to Mykaela first and tickled her leg. Her eyes seemed to light up seeing me, as if she recognized me. I smiled and kissed her cheek before straightening up to greet my grand parents.  
  
The Colonel wore his face of indifference, and I knew he couldn't wait to get me alone for the lecture of the century. Maybe I would just tell him I don't want to hear it. Not with Dad about to go in for surgery. And, what's it to him anyway? Mykaela is my daughter and I'm not asking for his help at all. I would love to look him in the eye and tell him he has no right to lecture me anyway.   
  
"Hello, Simon," He said and offered his hand. I took it. His grip nearly crushed my fingers. "It seems congratulations are in order."  
  
"Yes sir," I answered without missing a beat.  
  
"She's a fine girl."  
  
"I'm glad you think so, sir." I held his gaze. I just knew he had to be keeping his cool because of the public setting. Once I was home, and on one could see or hear, he would go off on me. I could see the ache of disappointment in his eyes.  
  
Grandma Ruth put her hand on my arm, and the Colonel let go of my hand so I could lean down to kiss Grandma. "She is beautiful, Simon."  
  
"Thank you." I smiled. I knew she meant those words, but she had a cloud of disappointment in her eyes too.  
  
They would just have to understand I made a choice and I'm willing to accept the consequences of it, even if that meant a thousand lectures.  
  
I took the order and sent it back to the kitchen. At first I avoided the table as much as I could because I felt like I was under a microscope, but then I decided not to let their ignorance get to me. After that, I stopped by the table to see Mykaela as often as I could.  
  
Pete tried to get me to go home with them, but I refused. I need the money. I didn't tell Pete I just didn't want to go home with them, with the Colonel and his lecture.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
He was waiting for me when I got home. I sighed and hung my coat then joined him at the kitchen table because I would rather face him there than in my bedroom, and I knew he would follow me if I went upstairs.  
  
"You've grown quite a bit since the last time I saw you."  
  
I nodded and dug at the dirt under my fingernails. No. I decided at the restaurant that I would not let him intimidate me. I looked up and met his eyes. "Yes sir. I have."  
  
"You're a man now, Simon."  
  
I knew then he was not going to make this easy. I wish I could think of something clever to say to show him I wouldn't take his crap. I know he means well, but sometimes...many times I have wanted to tell him to butt out.  
  
"Your father tells me the child's mother is gone?"  
  
"Yes. She told me her father would kill her if he found out she was pregnant. So I helped her. I delivered Mykaela in a phone booth. I tried to convince Claire to come home with me, and I told her my parents would help her any way they could. She was too scared. I tried to call her, but her mother said she isn't home. She wouldn't tell me where she is."  
  
"I see."  
  
"Do you? Mykaela is my daughter, Colonel, and I love her. I'm going to raise her and take care of her. I don't need you or anyone else to lecture me about it."  
  
I think I saw the hint of a tear in his eyes. "I'm not going to lecture you, Simon." I almost laughed out loud. He took a deep breath and continued. "I wanted to commend you for what you're doing. But don't think for a moment that I believe that child is yours."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
He stared at me, his gaze solid, unflinching. "You're a good man, Simon. What you are doing, most men would not do. I am proud to say you are my grand son, even though it will take some time getting used to being a great grand father."  
  
"Thank you, sir. I think." Honestly, I wasn't sure what to think. The Colonel seemed to be complimenting me and congratulating me when I thought he would be reading me the riot act.  
  
"She's not really your child, is she, Simon?"  
  
I wanted to tell him the truth. I really did. But I couldn't risk it. I couldn't risk losing Mykaela. "Yes, sir. She is."  
  
"Then tell me how it happened."  
  
"It?" I blinked at him. What would I say? What could I say?   
  
He nodded. He looked so old. I never noticed that before. "How did it happen that you got this missing mother pregnant?"  
  
"I...I..."  
  
"That's what I thought. Simon..."  
  
I shook my head. I wanted to cry. I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide. "She is my daughter, Colonel."  
  
"Simon, you can't do this."  
  
"Yes I can. I am doing it."  
  
The Colonel shook his head. The lines around his eyes seemed deeper, the shadows darker. "There are other ways."  
  
"Other ways?"  
  
"Your parents could adopt her."  
  
"No! She's my daughter! I don't want her to be my sister." How could he even suggest that? Because he doesn't know. He doesn't know how I felt when I brought her into this world. He doesn't understand how her cry touched my heart. He doesn't understand, he can't understand.  
  
"Simon, be reasonable."  
  
"I am! I am being reasonable! You're the one who isn't being reasonable!" And I was the one who was yelling. I clenched my fists ad hoped to channel my frustration there so I could calm my voice.  
  
"You are so young, Simon. I don't want to see you sacrifice your youth."  
  
"It's my choice, Colonel." I looked his dead-on, straight in the face. "I have my parent's blessing, and quite frankly that's all I need. I don't need your support and I certainly don't need your approval. Mykaela is my daughter, and that's the end of it. Good night, Grand Father."  
  
I stood and turned and walked up the stairs to my room. I would not let an old man bully me into giving up my daughter, Grand Father, Colonel, or anything else.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End chapter six. The story flows so much easier in a first person narrative. What do you think of the story now? Please R/R so I know! Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	7. Making A Friend

Simon's Choice   
Chapter 7/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star  
  
  
Chapter 7: Making A Friend  
  
I looked around at everyone, all of us spread out in the small waiting room. Mom stood by the window looking out at the city. Lucy sat on a sofa with Kevin's arms around her, Ben and Roxanne on either side of them. Robbie and Sarah took up the two high backed chairs, both of them looking as uncomfortable and out of place as I felt. The Colonel and Grandma Ruth sat together on a smaller sofa.  
  
Everyone must have felt the gaps where Matt, Mary, and Ruthie should have been. Matt couldn't get away from school because of several big exams, but his wife Sarah came. No one had been able to reach Mary to tell her about the surgery at all. Ruthie couldn't forgive Dad lying to her, telling her just last weekend that he was fine when he already knew he had to have heart surgery, so she was home with the twins.  
  
I felt like Mom expected me to make Ruthie change her mind, and I had let her down because Ruthie stayed at home. Ruthie had a right to her anger. She asked Dad point blank if he was okay, if everything was okay, and he told her he was fine. He looked her in the eye and he lied to her face. She definitely had aa right and a reason to be upset.  
  
I envied her. I have never liked hospitals, and I hated even more to bring Mykaela to one. A hospital waiting room was no place for a baby.  
  
I gathered her things and slung the bag over my shoulder. "I need to get some fresh air." I picked up Mykaela's carrier seat and hustled out of the room before anyone could stop me.  
  
I didn't know where I was going, I didn't care. I just had to get out of that room, away from them, away from the sadness and the uncertainty. We wouldn't know anything until the surgery was over anyway. No sense sitting there going out of my mind with boredom and discomfort.  
  
Mykaela and I ended up sitting on a bench outside the hospital. I wasted time people watching, observing people as they went in or came out of the hospital. I wondered what their stories were, and what the thought of me and my baby, if they even noticed us.  
  
I noticed a girl who looked about my age come out the main doors. She glanced around, her eyes scanning past me. She looked as lost as I felt. I scooted over to make room for her, but she hesitated before she sat down next to me.  
  
"Don't worry, I won't bite."  
  
"I didn't think you would," she answered with a slight tremble to her voice. I wondered what her story could be, why she was here. I wanted to ask her, but it seemed rude and impolite.  
  
"It's a beautiful day." I rocked Mykaela's seat with my foot.  
  
The girl looked down at Mykaela and when she looked up again silent tears ran down her cheeks. She made no move to brush them away, and I couldn't help but notice the eerie, almost metallic tint of her eyes.   
  
"I'm sorry. I don't mean to cry. It's just...my grandma...she had a stroke last night and...and..."  
  
"It's okay. You don't have to talk about it."  
  
She shook her head spilling more tears as she did. "No. I want to. I want to talk about it. She had a stroke last night and she's not doing so good. The doctor said she might die and she'll probably be paralyzed or something if she doesn't die."  
  
"I'm sorry." The words felt so inadequate.  
  
"I had to get out of there. The waiting room I mean. I just had to get out. I hate hospitals."  
  
"I know what you mean. My dad is having open heart surgery today. Everyone is just sitting around up there, waiting to hear how it went. I couldn't stand it another second in that room."  
  
She nodded and took a deep, shuddering breath. "The smell...and if you're in there long enough everything tastes like that too. And...I know I should be there near my grandma...but, just a little fresh air is all."  
  
"Yeah. Me too. I needed the fresh air. She needed the fresh air," I gestured at Mykaela then leaned down to pick her up. "This is Mykaela, by the way, and I'm Simon."  
  
"Oh, I'm Victoria. She's beautiful," She smiled, but the smile didn't reach her eyes.   
  
The way her eyes shifted from Mykaela to me, I know she had to be wondering if I was old enough to have a kid. She probably thought Mykaela was my little sister or something. I didn't see the point in telling her any different. "Do you want to hold her?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
I don't usually just hand Mykaela over to anyone, especially strangers, but something about Victoria made me trust her instantly. And I thought maybe holding Mykaela would help her relax. Something about babies tends to make people loosen up sometimes.  
  
"I think she likes you," I whispered hoping to ease her anxiety a little.  
  
It worked. She took a deep breath and seemed to relax just a little. "She looks new. How old is she?"  
  
"She'll be a month old on Saturday."  
  
"Wow. She is new." She lapsed into baby-talk and mindless cooing for a moment, and she actually laughed when Mykaela reached up and grabbed her nose.   
  
I liked the sound of that, her laugh. Very soft and feminine. And I felt really good knowing I had helped her feel good too.  
  
"Is she your baby sister?"  
  
I shook my head and carefully weighed what I wanted to tell her. I had no obligation to her, no reason to tell her the truth. "No. She's my daughter." The words flowed naturally.  
  
"Oh." She seemed to balk at that, as if the thought offended or frightened her. Her cheeks flushed a bright red and she tried to push Mykaela back into my arms. I resisted.  
  
"It's okay. A lot of people think she's my sister. I'm sixteen, and I have a pretty big family anyway. My twin brothers are only three, so most people just assume Mykaela is just another sister."  
  
"I didn't mean to be so nosey. I guess that's just easier than saying 'Is she yours?'"  
  
I shrugged. I would have to get used to the questions and curious stares sooner or later. "I don't mind either way. I just tell people she's my baby." She nodded and rubbed her nose against Mykaela's. "She really seems to like you. You're a natural with her."  
  
"My sister has a baby and I baby sit all the time."  
  
"I can tell."  
  
She nodded politely and passed Mykaela back to me then stood up and ran a hand through her hair.  
  
"Are you going back inside?"  
  
"I should. My mom...They're probably wondering where I am. I'm going to catch hell for running off anyway. I shouldn't be gone too long."  
  
"Yeah. Me too." I put Mykaela back in her seat and hooked her bag on my shoulder before I got to my feet.  
  
"Well, bye. Maybe I'll see you around more. But...too bad it's here."  
  
"Yeah. Maybe we could..." I started to say maybe we could meet in the cafeteria or something, but I didn't want to seem too forward or pushy.  
  
Victoria took a step back, toward the door. "Maybe. Okay. Well, bye."  
  
"Bye. I hope your grandma is okay."  
  
"Yeah. I hope your dad is too." She offered a little wave and then she was gone.  
  
I sighed and headed inside.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End chapter 7. I'm so sorry it took so long for this chapter. I had a hard time with it and finally asked my friend Jordan to help me. (She's helping me with If These Walls Could Talk, and Angry All The Time as well) So here it is. Thanks for being patient, thanks for reading, and thanks for the reviews! You guys are the best! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	8. Bad News

Simon's Choice  
Chapter 8/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star  
  
  
Chapter 8: Bad News  
  
I sat on the bench outside the hospital for a long time after Victoria left. Even though I just met her I felt a little black void where she had just been.   
  
Something about her really got to me, got under my skin as they say. I never understood what that meant until Victoria was gone, and I sat there wishing she was still sitting with me.  
  
I wondered if she could have been my soul mate, and what if I had just missed my chance with her?   
  
I hoped Mykaela hadn't scared her off. She had seemed so shocked when I told her Mykaela was my daughter. Maybe I shouldn't have told her that. I might have lost my chance with her because of it.   
  
I should have told her Mykaela doesn't have a mother. Maybe she thought I had a girl friend, and that's why she left so suddenly. I should have told her...Or maybe I shouldn't have told her anything. I could have let her believe Mykaela was my sister, but then if we became friends, or someday more than friends, I would have to tell her the truth and then our whole friendship would have been based on a lie.  
  
As if on cue to distract me from crazy thoughts like that, Mykaela let out a little scream, effectively jolting me back to reality.  
  
"You're right, sweetheart," I told her and determined the cause of her cry was a dirty diaper. "It's time to go in and check on Grandpa. Grandma too, I think." I gathered her things and headed inside.  
  
Some people had moved, but the room was essentially just how I left it. Somber and depressing.   
  
I looked at Lucy, then Kevin, and Kevin shook his head. I took it to mean there had been no updates on Dad's condition.  
  
I changed Mykaela's diaper in a corner of the room before approaching Mom. She said nothing but took Mykaela from me and buried her face in the baby's stomach for a moment before looking at me.  
  
Tears had filled her eyes and I knew Kevin's head shake didn't mean there had been no news. It meant there had been bad news.  
  
Mom sat down with Mykaela and focused her complete attention on the little girl. Kevin had gotten up from the sofa, leaving Lucy with Ben and Robbie. He lead me away from everyone else.  
  
I wondered if they had drawn straws to determine who would tell me, or maybe Kevin had been elected because he's a cop. And he never really shows much emotion anyway.   
  
Not one to wear his heart on his sleeve, our Kevin.  
  
I wanted to smack myself for thinking like that at a time like this.  
  
Kevin put his hand on my shoulder. For some reason his touch unnerved me and I felt like bolting away from him, away from the horrible, depressing waiting room. I might have done it if I had Mykaela in my arms.  
  
"There were complications with the surgery." Kevin definitely got voted the one to tell me because he could stand there and say the words like it was nothing. Like nothing was happening, nothing was wrong.   
  
"What are you saying?"   
  
"The nurse didn't really explain anything to us."  
  
He looked at me casually, as if we were discussing the weather. I wanted to ask Lucy why she thought he was the man for her, the one she wanted to marry. Surely she could do better than this emotional robot.  
  
"What did she say, Kevin?"  
  
"There was more damage to his heart than the thought, so the surgery is more complicated than originally planned. He may be on a ventilator for a few days."  
  
"How can you be so calm?" I could hear the accusation in my voice and I wanted to take it back, but I'd already said the words.  
  
Kevin didn't even flinch. "Why weren't you here, with your mother, when she needed you?" Answering a question with a question, a school yard avoidance technique. What else would I expect from the emotionless one?  
  
I narrowed my eyes at him, then turned and went over to my mother. I thought of the first time she had held Mykaela, and wished we could go back to that morning, just a month ago, before we knew Dad was sick.  
  
I sat down beside her and put my hand on her knee. She freed her fingers from Mykaela's grasp and covered my hand with hers. I turned my palm toward her and gave hers a little squeeze.  
  
"He's going to be okay, Mom."  
  
She looked at me and nodded. "I know baby. I was just telling Mykaela that."  
  
"I love you, Mom."  
  
"I love you too, Simon," She whispered and looked down at Mykaela again.   
  
I leaned back in the seat, still holding Mom's hand, and wondered what Victoria was doing right then. I hoped her grandma was okay, and God help me I know I shouldn't be thinking about a girl at a time like this, but I hoped I would run into her again.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Well, that's the end of chapter 8. Hopefully we'll find out if Eric will be okay in the next chapter. I haven't decided yet, so any thoughts on the outcome of his surgery are welcome :) Until then, thanks for reading, and please review. You guys are the best! Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	9. Surprise Visitor

Simon's Choice  
Chapter 9/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star  
  
Chapter 9:   
  
The nurses wouldn't let me take Mykaela back to see Dad, something about babies in ICU being against hospital policy. I almost refused to go then, but I gave in because I knew it was important to Mom that we all see Dad. No one said it out loud, but we all knew seeing him now might be the last time.  
  
Mom stayed with him, the rest of us were allowed one at a time. Lucy went first, then me. I left Mykaela with The Colonel and Grandma Ruth.   
  
Lucy came out of Dad's room in tears. I wanted to ask her how bad it was in there, but she hurried past me and into Kevin's arms before I had a chance.   
  
I took a deep breath and went in. The smell assaulted my nose and made me feel like throwing up. The whole hospital smelled sterile, but inside the room, the smell of bleach mixed with urine and I don't know what else.   
  
The room was small, barely big enough for the bed and all the machines. I took baby steps to the side of the bed, stopping about halfway. Mom sat on the other side, holding his hand.   
  
He didn't even look like my father. He didn't really even look human. His skin was real pale and pastey, his hair matted away from his head. They had tubes stuck in his nose and taped to his mouth.   
  
I wanted to turn around and walk right out of that room. I didn't want to touch him or talk to him. He probably couldn't hear me anyway. I could barely hear myself think over the beeps and hums of the machines they had him hooked up to.  
  
His hand felt rubbery. Like a fake hand. I only touched it because of Mom. I didn't want her to know how scared and upset I was.   
  
"Hey, Dad. It's me, Simon. I'm here. I just wanted to let you know I'm here and Mykaela is here, but I had to leave her with The Colonel and Grandma Ruth because the nurses wouldn't let me bring her in to see you." I felt like once I stopped talking, I would start crying, so I wanted to keep talking until my three minutes was up, but my words dissolved into tears when Mom reached out and put her hand over mine where I held Dad's.  
  
I looked at her, and I knew I couldn't stay in that room another second. I jerked my hand away from her and stumbled backward. I crashed into the wall, but I used the hard surface to propel me forward and out the door.  
  
I couldn't see where I was going, and I didn't care. I only knew I had to get out of there, out of the hospital, away from the pain and the sickness and the fear. I just kept going, taking the stairs instead of the elevator so I could keep moving. I had to keep moving.  
  
I didn't stop until I got outside. Even then I didn't want to stop, but my legs felt weak and I didn't want to fall on my face. So close to the hospital, someone would no doubt rush me back inside to see a doctor.   
  
My bench was empty, so I sat down there. And I realized I had left Mykaela in the waiting room. Panic filled me, wild, crazy eyes panic. I knew I wasn't thinking straight, but I couldn't help it. My father was dying and I just left my baby upstairs.   
  
I tried to run back inside, but slammed into someone as soon as I moved forward, and the impact made me fall on my butt. I just covered my face with my hands and cried right there on the ground. I didn't care who saw me, or what they thought of me sitting there crying like a baby.  
  
The person I ran into knelt in front of me and reached out to touch my shoulder. I yelped, a sound inhuman even to my own ears, and tried to move away.  
  
"Simon, Simon, relax, man. It's okay. It's only me."   
  
I didn't care who it was. I just wanted to get away. I wanted Mykaela so I could run away from here and never look back. I don't know where I would go, but anywhere, somewhere far far from Glen Oak.  
  
I scrambled to my feet, and the person caught my shirt and pulled me back, and the person wrapped his arms around me to keep me from running. I struggled against the hold, fought with all my strength, but I couldn't break away. After a minute I collapsed against the person, with no more will to fight left inside of me.  
  
"Shhh, shhhh. I've got you. I've got you."   
  
I looked up to see who it was, because my mind couldn't identify the voice. Matt? I blinked, wiped at my eyes. But Matt couldn't get away from school. Matt was still in New York...  
  
"Matt?"  
  
"I made it. I couldn't stay in New York. I talked to my professors again, and they agreed to let me have a week's personal leave."  
  
I fell against him, crying again.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Okay, so I still haven't decided if I want to kill Eric off or not, so any reader's thoughts on that issue would be greatly appreciated. Tell me in review or personal email. You guys are the best. Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


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